Picture unknown

IMG_331577811964252This is a picture of me way back in the day. I am the one on the right with the white sweater. I am not old enough that I do not recognize who is in the picture. I cannot however for the life of me remember where we are going, who’s car we are in and who took the picture. I am definitely somewhere between 12 and 15 years old if my sisters hair do is any indication.

I was born in the mid 70’s but all my cultural references as a tween and teenager are heavily situated in the 80’s. Through my older sister I was exposed to music and styles that maybe my contemporaries were not yet interested in. It has shaped my love of all things 80’s in music and movies but definitely not style. I look at some hair-dos and outfits of days past and shutter at the memory that I thought I looked great! Perspective is key in such matters I suppose.

Life in a box

The older I get the less tolerant I have become of people, myself included. I struggle with feelings of sadness and helplessness often and push them down far away until something makes it impossible to do so. Having said this, I recognize that the life we lead is of our own making. We make choices along the way that shape our memory of the past, happiness in our present and the outcome of our future. The box we live in is a culmination of our life lived thus far. Some days like today I wish my younger self had been better at looking at the bigger picture of life when making choices.
Life is what you make it.

Uncertain path…

I graduated High School some 21 years ago. I had no real idea of where I was or where I wanted to go. The year following high school found me running in circles to nowhere fast.

These days my path is less uncertain but still far from figured out. There are things that are certain: I am mom to a HS senior, I work in a field that holds little interest to me for the last sixteen years and my major in college is something completely unrelated to the job that pays the bills.

There is uncertainty in what I will do with my degree that I am seven classes short of finishing. If nothing else I am persistent despite the obstacles I have encountered to meet my educational goals set some two decades ago.

One step at a time.

Sunday Stealing…

Ask Away!

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from. We also provide a link to the victim’s meme in our “Previous Victims” widget. (It’s our way of saying “Thanks!”) Sometimes we edit the original meme, to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, to select the best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from this new meme or recently asked questions from a previously featured meme.
Let’s go!!!
From Stronger

Ask Away!

1. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini
2. What is your favorite color? Blue
3. What’s your lucky number? 6
4. What talents do you have? Depends on who you ask. I would say one of my talents is to be able to talk to anyone.
5. Are you psychic in any way? Yes. I can sense things
6. Favorite song? What does love got to do with it, Tina Turner
7. How many pillows do you sleep with? Five
8. What position do you usually sleep in? On my stomach
9. Have you ever tried archery? Nope but I can think of a few people I would like to point an arrow at.
10. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 24 hours. I accidentally took too much sleep apnea medicine.
11. Do you have any scars? Only if stretch marks count.
12. Have you ever had a secret admirer? If so they have been even secret to me
13. Can you do any other accents other than your own? Nope
14. Are you a good judge of character? I sense things….I unfortunately don’t always listen to it
15. Can you curl your tongue? Yes
16. Are you a clean or messy person? Somewhere in between
17. How long does it take for you to get ready? 45 minutes
18. Do you have much of an ego? No
19. Do you talk to yourself? Sometimes. It is the only advice I can sometimes trust
20. Do you sing to yourself? Yes, in the car
21. Can you name all 50 states of America? Nope
22. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope
23. What makes you nervous? Things I can’t control
24. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Only when it is appropriate or it is one of my pet peeves
25. Are you ticklish? Yes!
26. Have you ever been in a position of authority? No
27. How many piercings do you have? Two, one in each year
28. Can you roll your Rs? No
29. How fast can you type? 55 words a minute
30. What are you allergic to? Penicillin
31. Do you keep a journal? Yes
32. Do you like your age? With age comes knowledge and also with wrinkles and gray hair. Some days I like it, some days not so much. I have zero patience for 20 somethings.
33. What makes you angry? Lying.
34. Were your ancestors royalty? Not that I am aware of.

Sunday Stealing – Cupid edition

Cupid’s Questions Meme

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we also have our rules. First, we always credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim’s post. (It’s our way of saying “Thanks!”) We do sometimes edit the original meme, usually to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, sometimes to select that meme’s best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from either this new meme or recently asked questions from a prior featured meme.
from Kodelaine

1.)Do you like Valentine’s Day?
No. It is a fake holiday. I think my perspective is slanted toward the negative because I did not have a Valentine this year.

2.)Are you going to celebrate it?
Nope…did not.

3.)Celebrate Valentine’s Day with Friends or someone Special?
I would rather a group of friends. Less pressure and more fun.

4.)Pink or red?

5.)Candy Hearts OR cards?

6.)A short kiss or a big hug?
Neither. A long kiss.

7.)What are your plans for V-day?
I spent it with those I love.

8.)What would be the best gift to receive?
A heart-felt,genuine gesture OR homemade meal created by both of us together.

9.)Would get back with any of your ex’s for V-day?
No. They are exes for a reason. I do think exes can be friends but V-day is the one day that has the highest potential for confusion.

10.)Is there a food or beverage you associate with V-day?
Chocolate or wine.

11.) What are your thoughts on “Love at first sight”?
No. There is lust at first sight.

12.)Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
Yes. See my answer to #9

13.) If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating or relationships what would it be?
When things are over, let it go. There is a fine line between being the one they remember fondly and being the one they shutter to think about.

Have wheels, will travel…

Have wheels and will travel are the words I live by since moving back to my home state some six long years ago. Before moving back it had never occurred to me how limiting it was to live on the island known as Florida(ha). To get to the nearest neighboring state it takes a good eight hours drive. Where I currently live, in under 2 hours you can cross state lines(DE,PA,NY,CT), making a day trip a relatively easy commute.

Someone recently asked me if I would ever move back to Florida and I gave a quick no. After giving it some thought thinking I had perhaps been too quick to answer, I still came back to no. I had more pros than cons for living in the Garden State despite being so far away from my immediate family. I have come to terms with the fact that Florida is not a good fit to the lifestyle I have become use to living.

I have wheels and I am not afraid to explore and travel however far my recall riddled P.O.S car will take me.

Whose fault was it?

Mama’s Losin’ It

A Mama Kat’s writing prompt…:)

I am not sure whose fault the end of my last concrete relationship was. It is hard to tell. When I think back to I realize we were doomed to fail. We were ill-matched in every way except one. That ONE way was not enough to keep it to keep going for the long haul.

The breaking point came two weeks before the fatal blow. It was on the heels of having spent a weekend in bumblefuck upstate NY where there was no t.v. or internet connection to fill in the void of time between playtime.
Even though we did not address it directly we both became keenly aware after that weekend that there little between us besides the physical. Shortly after I was intent on having the “talk” with him and did. My execution of it was poor and I stumbled over feelings I was surprised it provoked in me. As the young folk might say, “It was an epic fail”. A week later he began to pull away from me literally and figuratively speaking. We saw each other one time after our “talk” but our dynamic had changed to perpetually awkward. We spoke on the phone once more after but when the call dropped(I was on the train), we never spoke again.

I think the fault was our combined inability to communicate openly and honestly.

séances, parenting and other ramblings…

In the last week I have attempted to communicate with the “other” side, wondered where I have gone wrong in parenting and have tried to get my summer traveling plans finalized for me and the child…

Last Saturday I went to a meetup group event, a séance. It was not what I considered a usual meetup event but it was entertaining and apparently I did get to connect with gramps. On threat of death, ha, I cannot share the audio but when I listen to it, I wonder how the fudgecracker did she know that?!

At work things have gotten better because we are fully staffed now, things at home however have gotten worse. I get that the teenager years can be tense but the stress levels between us is very difficult to deal with. The grades are way down and their lack of motivation to work on it in earnest is the root of most our tension and then add their social issues. I am at a loss on how to help them. The school is of no use in regards to the bullying that the child will not cop to and I can’t prove. However the bullying was relentless in middle school and I do not believe it has just stopped. We live in a small town. I have set up an appointment with a therapist so they can talk to a third party. They won’t talk to me and I can’t sit by idly and watch them be miserable.

Summer plans are still in the planning stages. I think the kiddo would benefit from a visit to my family. It might help ease her stress to feel the warmth of family. The child is open to it as long as I do not go as well. To their defense we do spend A LOT of time together. We are also looking for college programs for them to participate in.
As for my own summer plans? I have narrowed it down to SanFran, Seattle or Chicago. I want to check off my new years list of going somewhere I have never been. My biggest concern is traveling alone and being safe.

Last month ramblings….

As it turns out my immune system is at an all time low. In the last three weeks I have had the flu and today it was determined that I have bronchitis. I would not be surprised if every time I leave my desk at work it is not sprayed with Lysol. I don’t blame them though.

I had my review in the last week. It was positive for all intents and purposes. It lacked enthusiasm with all those involved but I can settle for lukewarm for now. I like what I do for a living and where I work for the most part. I have no desire to search for a new job but I am hell bent on getting my CPP certification.

SAT’s are stressful and I am not even the one taking the test. I can’t believe so much importance and pressure is put on performance on ONE test.

My mom went to the hospital yesterday. The results are not in but considering her past with heart issues they admitted her. Here’s hoping she doesn’t sign herself out. She is a horrible patient, ha. I am thankful she does not live alone. It could have been a lot worse if my sister had not found her. It is stressful to be so far away when things like this happen.
I miss my family but I love my privacy more. That might sound selfish but it is true to how I feel.

I am scheduled for vacation for in July. My brother now lives an hour north of San Francisco and I am aching to go visit. I have no interest in staying within my brother and cousin’s bachelor pad paradise. I would stay in a hotel for sure.
So between July 24th-29th I would like to visit one or two of the following places….Suggestions for sightseeing is welcomed…
San Francisco
Somewhere in Oregon

6 things I have learned from oldest child….

Writing Prompts from Mama’s Losin it:

1.) Write a blog post inspired by your family pet.
2.) Tell us about a prank someone played on you or vice versa.
3.) Share an Easter inspired recipe or craft.
4.) List 6 things you’ve learned from your oldest child.
5.) Open a blank blog post and “right click paste” in the body of the post…what was pasted? Explain it.

Six things I have learned from my oldest and technically my only child:

1.)Letting go is hard to do but necessary for their personal growth.

2.)Shit happens despite our best efforts to keep shit away. You can’t protect them from everything.

3.)Discipline that works for one kid does not work on another. Advice is great but take it a big grain of salt. Listen to the advice but do what YOU feel is best.

4.)Consistency is vital to building a respectful relationship with your kids.

5.) Chores/Rules need to be implemented as early as possible otherwise it will be an uphill battle to enforce them later on.

6.)Long commutes home are a God send when teenagers are in the home and in the past 2 weeks I have contemplated getting a dog. It would be nice to have someone happy to see me when I get home.