In the last month my familiar family landscape has changed. I am still struggling with my new normal and as a result I have been missing in action with this blog.
I have started posts and then stopped, deeming myself not ready and not wanting to drag you down with my less than upbeat self.
Work is work. I am happy most days and others where I wish I could magically fix the neuroses of my co-workers. Sometimes they drive me batshit crazy, however most of the time I can tune them out.
School is moving right along. The two classes I am taking are time-consuming and heavy-handed in regards to work load. The one class I initially felt I was ill prepared for I find now most interesting. The other teacher which I thought was a hard ass is actually quite interesting and entertaining.
Home life is strife with tension, hence life with a teenager. I love the child, hate the eye rolling.
A curious thing happened somewhere between a haircut and going to a friend’s house last week, I saw a man who was a 60 something doppelgänger of my recently deceased grandfather. I found myself unable to stop staring and afraid to make contact with the mystery look a like. He never did look directly at me.
I think the loss has hit me harder than I care to acknowledge. I am scared of getting lost in the pain. I have a family of two to care for.
I call my grandmother once a week and at some point she gets to tearing and I try to hold back the tears myself so it does not become a sob fest and I do mostly to a successful degree. It breaks my heart to hear her coping mechanism.
I had hoped that a year in the process of preparing for the worst I would be handling it better at this point.