This week is the official start of my and kiddos birthday week and the countdown to graduation. I turn 40 where they turn the tender age of 19. I wonder often where the time has gone. One minute your pregnant, then 24 hours of labor to a 9lb baby and then poof they are graduating high school and off to college 4 hours away. I am so proud of the person they have become. I will miss the day to day interactions, the fighting and the eventual laughing.

It is the dawn of not just a new decade in my life but also a new chapter. I think the change will hit me most once school starts again around me and there will be no need to make visits to pick up school supplies, new clothes for the school year or the back to school event where the parents spend seven minutes in each class period learning about the teacher and such. I am used to the kiddo going away for the summer but they always return by September and short of living with the other parent being unbearable they will not be back, at least not full-time.

I pray they find happiness where they are going and success in whatever they ultimately choose to study in college. I pray they find their voice and learn to use it when they have to. I pray they gain a sense of self that will help them find the independence they so yearn for. I pray that the first true life decision they have made works out for the best for them. They didn’t choose to move away from FL and they never really found their footing here in NJ so I hope in deciding to move to MD proves more beneficial.

Letting go is hard. I struggle with it silently, most days. I do not want to add to their apprehension of the unknown path they are going on. Does it get easier? How do you truly let go? I am freaked out by not having a say in the matter. Maybe my nervousness is more about my control issues than anything else? I am sure partly yes and no. I guess I have to have faith that all the years we have spent together have prepared them for what lies ahead, whatever that is.

Advertisements