As of late I have felt insecure about my job status, the strength of my friendships, my health and my ability to write 50 k words between now and November 30th as I am currently 4k words in thus far.
My job has a new boss and his style of management makes me nervous. It also makes me nervous that there is a lot of whispers of this and that. Now granted that is normal for any job, especially mine but I don’t like feeling insecure about my job. As it is I do not make enough money to make ends meet comfortably. Time will tell. There is also that incident that happened today with another co-worker. I tend to get teased because I keep to myself and usually it is all good-hearted and no foul. But today it got awkward. I was training someone and I mentioned I had a time constraint because I had to leave early to the doctor. Another co-worker chimed in with ” ” gesture as in you put make up on, sure you are going to the “doctor”. I said yes it was my favorite doctor. The co-worker burst out laughing and it made me uncomfortable. He seemed to imply my gynecologist. I blushed and walked away and IM’d him that it was not ok and he said that he didn’t technically say anything and that it was all me. The most infuriating part is that HR heard the whole interaction.
My friendships have been strained. I admit I have been distance. It has mostly been due to being in financial mess and going out cost money. I do not want to burden them with my problems so I have kept a low profile. In an effort to not be a complete hermit I have become more active in the free activities from meetup. Most of the people I have met there are loners like myself looking to get out of the house and make human contact.
My health has been steadily crappy. Yes, I know being obese is the root of most of my issues but not all of them. Today I went to see my Urologist and we have no idea the status because I panicked when he had to examine me. I had a panic attack at the thought of being looked at down below. I was suppose to make a follow-up appointment but instead of making an appointment right there I told them I would call to make one. I worry I might never call back. Today I finally called my orthopedic doctor for an appointment about my rotator cuff and thumb pain. I haven’t seen this doctor since 2012 but lately the pain has become too much to ignore.
This year for NanoWrimo( http://www.nanowrimo.org) I have decided to participate in as many write-ins as I can. I have no school or child responsibilities so I figure that should be no issue. Yesterday I went to my second official meeting with the group and was peeved that the organizer of that particular meeting spot was inept to moderator a meeting. She and a fellow writer in arms kept talking and making it hard to concentrate on writing. I need to find another location with another set of folks that focus on actually writing. That is the great thing about NanoWrimo in that there are so many resources and opportunities to get your writing on.