Sometimes you have people come into your life that stay for a while then disappear only to reappear again. They are a warm place to find reprieve from the daily frustrations from life in general. Sometimes you wish you had never let them back in because you know deep down things will burn and crash as they have every single time you gave it another go. When you finally let them go in a one way direction out of your life there is a bit of sadness but then as time goes and the world has not fallen off its axis, you realize maybe it was for the best.
I wish it was easier to tell when things are officially over. It is is easy to rationalize away all the things about them that drive you to drink. But just as quickly you find reasons where letting them go would be a horrible idea. As I have learned the hard way, loneliness is not a good enough reason to keep someone. Listen to the signs that maybe the friendship, romantic relationship, or family member is no longer a healthy companion. Just because you have a history does not mean you have to endure all the crap that sometimes comes along with having history with someone.
Some of the signs I have noticed:
If hanging out or talking to them drains you more than feelings of happiness, you might want to reconsider.
If when you reach out to them it is clash of schedules to ever meet up and then when you do they only talk about themselves and never ask how you are doing, you might want to reconsider. As people become adults and create families of their own and such a little disconnect is to be expected. It have come time to reevaluate where you both fit in each others lives as it stands and adjust accordingly. Also, if they constantly brush you off but make time for other people they might have already taken off their list and were just too “kind” to let you know. If that is the case, make it easy and make a clear break. All kinds of relationships have ebbs and flows and maybe somewhere down the line you will find your way back to each other.
Lack of growth. If you are both 40 and one of you still lives unemployed at your parents basement, then you may want to reconsider. If when you hang out they want to make you feel like you are a failure because you do not have the best of this or that but they have shit of their own to stand on, please run like you are on fire and death imminent. This “friend” is looking for ways to bring you down and make themselves feel better about how crappy their lives are.
Living in the past. If the only common conversation reverts back to that time in high school when such and such happened, refer to my lack of growth paragraph. If you the best thing that ever happened to them was in high school, you might want to reconsider.
Lately I have had to reconsider the state of a lot of my relationships. There is only one relationship from my past that I have to keep on relatively good terms, my ex husband. But that doesn’t even count in that he technically falls under the family category. He will always be in my life but I can easily limit my contact. My other relationships are history based and honestly we currently have nothing in common. I refused to hold tightly onto something or someone that once upon a time was great. I want to stand firmly in the here and now.