Adult children…

In the last month I have had the kiddo with me. They were on winter break. As of yesterday roughly around 8pm I am back to living alone. I am conflicted about that.

There was a bit of confusion of what day and how long she would stay with me. To be honest I was happy at the prospect of any time spent no matter how long or short it was. There is something to be said about living alone but I missed having her home. For months I had heard stories of how miserable she has been living with dad and going to school. I was hell bent on being her refuge and for a while I was. I also came to realize that I might part of the problem. I have come to wonder if my inability to not let go is the reason she has not learned to truly advocate for herself. My desire to help might have hindered her inclination to find her own solutions. I have found myself repeating tirelessly that messing up is not exactly failure but an opportunity to come up with a better solution going forward. How can you learn from something if you always get it right the first time?

It seems to me that the parents to the semi-adults of today have taken such care in making sure their child succeeds that we have taken away their ability to see the big picture and appreciate that not all stumbling blocks and/or obstacles are a bad thing. Critical thinking is sorely missing in many young people today.

When did the idea of consequences to our actions take on an insidious feel in society? When did being in survival mode translate into being without a phone and not being connected ALL THE TIME? I remember a time before cell phones, and recess and going to play out in the neighborhood until sunset without constant parental supervision. It was not any safer back then but with less technology it certainly felt so. We knew how to survive and be mindful of our surroundings and strangers. We had to play with others and make eye contact, hold conversations, and knew our neighbors.

I realize I am rambling on about the perks of days gone by versus how it is today and I hold steady in my belief. But I also realize that if we as parents really feel that way why have we not continued with it today with our own kids? In our quest to give them “better” than what we had or think we lacked back in the day we have inadvertently have also taken away survival skills in the world today.


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