People tend to process grief differently. I tend to try to find things to do to distract me from the pain. When my grandmother died on Friday I took a couple of hours to compose myself and then headed into work. My co-workers that knew looked at me like I was cold and bizarre. I stayed at work long enough to get my desk ready for someone to cover me the following week and left and did yoga. Note to self: Yoga is not for me.

Friday night I was the hot mess that I was trying to avoid being earlier that day. I cried myself to sleep. I woke up on Saturday and took a painting class. In the last two years I have come to realize that painting relaxes me.

My mother informed that there would be no service for another couple of weeks  until  grandma was cremated. My job had given me a week of bereavement so I am tasked with finding what to do with myself since visiting family this week is not an option. My mom and aunt were going to work come Monday as if nothing happened. How did I find out my grandmother officially died? My ever warm mother texted me. I find that odd, even for me. Who the fuck texts a death announcement??!

I digress.

Tomorrow I plan on going to a mass and lighting a candle for my grandmother. I need the closure and to pay my respects in some way.


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