I woke up one day and realized I was not who I thought I could be one day. I remember dreaming for hours of what I would do or accomplish when I grew up. I just had to grow up and get to it. It turns out that is not how it works. It is not how any of it works. Behind every successful person is not just a goal they set for themselves realized. It is a goal they worked hard to achieve every day even when faced with obstacles they might have thought unbeatable. They met the obstacle, faced it head on and then kicked its ass. They were willing to pay the short term price for the long term outcome.

The power of bigger picture thinking is real. It is easy to get caught up in the here and now and not see things on the other side. We are sometimes so overwhelmed by the task at hand that it easier to just do the bare minimum and let things go from there. That might work for some people and nothing bad happens as a result but for me, I have let the power of what if’s to cloud my present.

The past is the past and it should be left there. You dwell on it long enough to learn from it and then use it or discard it as it best suits you. Not all memories are worth holding onto, especially the ones that hold you back from moving forward in your personal and professional life. This is where I currently find myself. I am haunted by my past and scared for the future.

I do not like to feel myself floating in a sea of unknowns. If I stay at my current job where will I be in another five years? Am I a bad influence for my kiddos personal growth? If and when I move what kind of place best suits my needs? Why do I think therapy might work for me now when it hasn’t before? How much longer can I sustain my current lifestyle and am I willing to make the sacrifices to make it work or do I start from scratch?

My bigger picture is feeling content in my job, being financially secure/stable and living a place I enjoy, seeing the kiddo come into her own, feeling personal peace and being in a healthy romantic relationship.

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