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According to Sarah

Sunday Stealing- Make a difference

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on  

WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of questions from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent questions. You may have heard the expression, “honor among thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from, if possible. We also provide a link to the victim’s questions in our “Previous Victims” widget. (It’s our way of saying “Thanks!”) Sometimes we edit the original meme, to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, to select the best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from recently asked questions from a previously post. Cheers to all of us thieves!

 

These questions were on a site by Debbie Hodge, which apparently once had more blog content, but now seems to be mostly devoted to scrapbooks — content, supplies, etc.

The artwork is by Picasso.

1.  What is the favorite piece of art you own. – A house I painted the week my grandma died
2.  The most expensive bill you paid last month. – My cell and cable bill but full disclosure I was months behind paying
3.  What’s the last thing you apologized for? I haven’t done anything to apologize for recently.
4.  If you could do today over, would you change anything? Yesterday was a good day and today has just started so nothing to change
5.  What is the largest TV screen in your house? I don’t know the size of my tv
6.  What did you buy today? Nothing
7.  I wish I had ____ the winning lottery number
8.  How many photos did you take today? None but yesterday I took 4 with NYC and a nice sunset in the background
9.  Last thing you wanted and didn’t get. – The $500 scratch win
10.  What was the last new thing you tried? Cooking a dinner for a non-family member
11.  Who is your hero? My mom
12.  Today I feel really secure knowing ____ I will not contemplate suicide for a while longer
13.  Whose life did you make a difference in today? Yesterday I did a reading for a friend
14.  What would have made today perfect? A good time at the wine festival I am going to today
15.  Did you thank anybody today? I thank the universe I woke up today

Road trip 2017

Around this time last year I also took a road trip and considering what I just recently lived through I suspect I was going through something back then to. Last year I drove to Toronto and this year to Florida but in a more roundabout way and got to visit places I had never before. Visiting places I have not been to before is one of my 2017 goals that I set for myself at the beginning of this year.

It started with not being sure if I could afford this recent trip and technically I could not. Sometime back in March or April I had reached out to a childhood friend that I had not seen in years( turns out 29 yrs to be exact) and said I would probably do a road trip in the summer and would love to pass through to say hello. I was surprised when he suggested it was a great idea and that if I wanted to I could even stay at his place. I didn’t think much of it at the time( turned out to be the best thing). Sometime in early July or maybe late June my older sister was in the area visiting and before she left I gave her a reading. I was spooked by what feeling it gave me about our mom. I think about that time I resolved I had to make it happen, the road trip. A couple of days later my mom casually mentions that the tumor she had in her 30’s has come back and my first thought is she is not healthy enough for surgery due to her heart condition.

I hemmed and hawed over timing, financing and whether considering my financial pitfall made it a bad idea. I immediately came to the conclusion it was a bad idea that had to be done. I had also resolved that this would be my good bye tour with my loved ones. I wasn’t sure how I would do it, but I felt at the time that I needed to end my pain and reasoned they would be better off without me. That specific thought gave me a sense of peace and joy.

My first stop was in Chattanooga and I have to say the place is beautiful and inexpensive. The house I stayed in was amazing and as was his family and I particularly liked his wife. She tolerated me despite my northernisms and the slight awkwardness in the air. They were amazing considering that for all intents and purposes I was a stranger despite having childhood and familial connections. At best we are like cousins, once removed.

I drove through Atlanta and got just a slight taste of their traffic nightmare. Timing is everything. I eventually made it to Valdosta and met with an old co-worker. She bought me dinner and I recounted in my colorful way my travels up to that point. My second destination was Orlando with one of my many assorted siblings. She and  her husband were, as always, amazing hosts.

The following day I drove to my final destination, Miami and tried to get to my moms house before she left for work but had just missed her. I instead made rounds with my last standing elder, my grandmother and saw a sleuth of assorted relatives. When you come from a family of eight kids it is a godsend when you get to see them in bulk.

The trip as a whole was a success and after seeing my mom and her condition I realized I could not do that to her. I could also not leave my child unprotected as she still needs me, at the very least emotionally.

It seems this trip helped me reset, which is great. It also haunts me the sense of relief I felt at the idea of suicide.

When being sane fails

So in the last few weeks things have gotten very dark for me and I have contemplated suicide. I got this sense of relief when I felt I had made a decision. There was no timeline in place or method in  mind. I just wanted the pain and suffering to be done. Then the leader singer of Linkin Park committed suicide via hanging. The first thought was it was so sad he would leave a young family behind. The second thought was why did he do it so messy ? Why couldn’t he make it look like natural causes? Did he not think of the person who would have to find him? My final thought was how were his family going to make sense of this ? Then I realized that  suicide was not something I could follow through on on a whim.

I  have taken steps to help right my mindset. I do not want to die and I don’t know how much more I can take. A road trip was born. Driving has always been therapeutic and so far it has worked. I have reconnected with a childhood friend and they have graciously let me stay at their place in Tennessee. Two 2017 goals have been realized, reconnecting and visiting a place I have never been. In the next couple of days  I will make it to Miami, not before visiting a sister in Orlando and a friend in Valdosta GA and hopefully reconnect with family.

My hope is that this trip helps me feel loved, connected and the driving clears my clouded thoughts.

Tarot Readings

If you happen to live in the Northern NJ, PA or NYC area I am available for 30 minute readings for $10.

I also am open to do parties for $15 for 45 minute readings.

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Sunday Stealing – Last 40 from Bud

We found this gem from a blogger Lady Nina of the blog “Live The Good Life, Fight The Good Fight”. She gives us no idea who she stole it from. But, it was probably stolen at that blog as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. That’s it from me. Peace & love!

Cheers to all us thieves!

Sunday Stealing: Last The 40 Questions from Bud

1. My uncle once : died from a head injury involving 70lbs of frozen chicken

2. Never in my life : have I felt so low

3. When I was seventeen : I officially lost my innocence…to be honest it was lost way before that

4. High School was : where my parents met

5. I will never forget : the day my kiddo was born or the day I met her dad and thought to myself wow he is old and dated him anyway

6. I once met : George Lamond and the dude from Face the Nation

7. There’s this girl I know who : gets sexually aroused by toes

8. Once, at a bar : I drank a mojito realized I hated them but drank because the mechanic dude paid for it. It was too strong for me and as we walked back to his car in the middle of February on a cold NYC evening I proceeded to undress because I felt hot…this dude walked behind me picking up all the stuff I threw on the floor., the winter jacket, scarf, hat, gloves.

9. By noon, I’m usually : ready to go home but the whole need to pay bills stops me from leaving work

10. Last night : I had a true blue friend come visit and we had pizza and coolers. She said she felt naked because when I usually invite her over it is usually to help me move.
11. If only I had : money and was not worried about rent this week. I really do like my new apartment

12. Next time I go to gym/church : I go to church I hope I do not burst into flames

13. Susan Boyle : had an amazing voice

14. What worries me most : is not being able to make rent this week even though my landlord left me note today telling me they are waiving the late fee this one time

15. When I turn my head left, I see : my recliner chair, books I rented from the library today, a bra, a picture frame with a picture of kiddo and I at their baptism and an almost empty water bottle.

16. When I turn my head right, I see : I see bookshelf, printer, tarot cards

17. You know I’m lying when : I tell others I don’t need help.

18. What I miss most about the eighties : Being a kid again. I was 5 in 1980…..

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : Macbeth

20. By this time next year : I hope to have my shit together

21. A better name for me would be : flaky

22. I have a hard time understanding : budgets

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : study energy work

24. You know I like you if : I talk to you

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : is my grandparents and mom for always being there for me, my kiddo for giving me purpose, my ex hubby for breaking me and in turn making me stronger for it

26. When I compare 80’s rock to 90’s rock : I realize I like them both

27. Take my advice, never : give up or contemplate prostitution

28. My ideal breakfast is : a mc d’s #1 breakfast combo with orange juice with ice

29. A song I love, but do not own is : Something like this by Coldplay

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : you lock your doors and windows and remember to put on your don’t fuck with me face

31. My favorite Beatle is : John Lennon

32. Why won’t people : stop being blind to the disaster that is the POTUS

33. If you spend the night at my house : be prepared to be a little scared by the doors closing on their own, and the amount of times I stop breathing while I sleep

34. I’d stop my wedding for : what I know now

35. The world could do without : twitter, social media and being over connected. Unplug and act like it is 1989

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : get married again

37. My favorite blonde is : is a blondie brownie

38: Paper clips are more useful than : hair clips in a pinch

39. If I do anything well, it’s : talk to strangers

40. And by the way : I am surprised I have made it this far

Thank you for playing this week on Sunday Stealing! Please leave a comment or link when you have posted. Feel free to stop back and visit other player’s posts. Have a great week. See you next Sunday!

Sunday Stealing- Greenish Questions

We found this gem  from a blogger and blog named Greenish Lady. She states that Becca invited everyone to do it. But, it was probably stolen at that blog as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all us thieves! 

Sunday Stealing: The Greenish Questions

1. What is your current obsession? House of Cards

2. What’s your go-to coffee place? I only drink coffee at work

3. Who was the last person that you hugged? The kiddo on their birthday about a month ago

4. Do you nap a lot? If I could, I would

5. Tonight, what’s for dinner? Depends on what I can afford

6. What was the last thing that you bought? Scratch off lottery

7. What is your favorite weather? Autumn

8. Tell us something about one blogger who you think will play this week? Not applicable

9. If you were given a free house that was full furnished, where in the world would you like it to be? Out in the middle of a wooded landscape

10. Name three things that you could not live without. Water, food, sex

11. What would you like in your hands right now? Refer to any of the answers in #10

12. What’s one of your guilty pleasures? Driving and reading

13. What would you change or eliminate about yourself? The extra weight

14. As a child, what type of career did you want? Writer

15. What are you missing right now? Money

16. What are you currently reading? The Good House

17. What do you fear the most? Failure

18. What’s the best movie that you’ve seen recently? None….the last movie I saw was Wonder Woman and it was underwhelming

19. What’s your favorite book from the past year? The border child

20. Is there a comfort food from your childhood that you still enjoy? Rice and black beans

Sunday Stealing…Fathers Day edition

We found this gem this meme off a blogger called Sama at Lazy Artist Girl. She doesn’t say from where she stole it. But, it was probably stolen at that blog as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Please consider liking WTIT on Facebook. Click here.

Cheers to all us thieves! 

Sunday Stealing: The Ginormous Questions 

1. Are you single? yes

2. Are your parents still married? to each other? no

3. Are you in love? with the idea of love

4. Do you believe in love at first sight? i believe in lust at first sight

5. Who ended your last relationship? i got ghosted

6. Have you ever been hurt by a break up? yes

7. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? legend has it , yes

8. Have you ever had a secret admirer? not that i know of

9. Prefer love or lust? preferably both within the same person

10. Prefer a few best friends or many regular friends? a few….i dont need a whole crew

11. Wild night out or romantic night in? romantic night in, however recently i realized i could benefit from more wild nights out

12. Back in the day: Been caught sneaking out? no

13. Ever wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? yes

14. Who are/is your best friend(s)? The Beard dude is my best friend but I am not necessarily his

15. Ever wanted to disappear? Lately very often

16. First attraction: Smile or eyes? eyes

17. Prefer intelligence or attraction? both …attraction only lasts for so long…if we cant hold a conversation it will never last

18. Last phone call you received? my friend who i witnessed for today through a tense family issue

19. Last thing you drank? pepsi from taco bell

20. Before your current one, when was your last relationship? it has been so long, i cant even remember

21. Do you and your family get along? most days

22. Would you say you have a “screwed up life”? depends on the day…today might not be the best day to ask me that question

23. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell. Well a friend wanted to show me a Chinese restaurant they loved. By the end of the meal we were asked to leave. She annoyed them by talking to them in their native language. She was a white girl showboating.

24. Do you trust all your friends? Hahaha….I trust no one

25. Who knows the most about you?  I do. I know all my truths, lies and weaknesses. The friend that knows my most authentic self is the Beard.

42 and counting…

Recently I turned another year older but not much wiser. I seem to keep making the same mistakes over and over. It seems sometimes that I have somehow made progress but then life shows examples that it is just an illusion.

For the last two years money has been tight. I have always struggled as an adult with money and lately it seems I have not mastered it still. I wonder what I keep doing wrong. This year started with a promotion and a 10% raise and somehow it is not enough. I spent a year not paying rent in my old place because of the landlords unwillingness  to fix anything and having to spend a very cold winter. It all came to a head in March/April and they sent me an eviction notice, however the dates were wrong and it was addressed to a mysterious unknown Ms. Robinson( not a joke, ha). It basically made it not legally binding and I lived another month before moving into my new place. I thought the new neighborhood would be worse, because on paper it is, however it has been a pleasant surprise of tranquility.

Today proved to be a watershed moment for me: I had to borrow money from the kiddo, I had to ask my mom for money and my dad also. I found myself without money for food or gas. When all was said and done I felt that in an hour I had aged ten years. This cannot continue to be my reality. From this day forward I refuse.

For the last few years I have struggled with desire. Desire for life, desire for happiness, and desire to be desired. The thing I have learned recently from talking to a friends husband, Redneck, is that you are only as unattractive as you feel, that confidence is sexy and clothes matter, and also due to a poll I took with other various male friends, I am not unattractive just socially inept in certain situations, which makes me hard to read. I recently had my friend, the Beard, over to celebrate my recent birthday and I asked why we never hang with his girl in tow. After some futile denials that she just simply doesn’t like me he admitted that he liked to hang out with the version of me that was not socially awkward. It seems with him my guard is completely down and I am cool to hang with but in mixed company… not so much.

In motherhood I have struggled with feelings of having fucked up royally. My kiddo, which just turned 21, is a good person. My biggest fail is that I coddled too much and protected to the point that they are now struggling with balancing still being a kid and not really being a kid anymore. I am hopeful that will work itself out. I now struggle between being there for them and letting them figure shit out. I give advice when asked but no longer offer solutions. They need to start making decisions.

Within the next year I hope I have made progress in all areas that I have sucked in thus far. I am too old for this shit.

 

 

Boundaries

It has been said, yelled and written by those that know me that I have little to no concept of boundaries. Imagine their surprise when boundaries is one of my 2017 goals. I want to know the literal meaning and what those meanings signify to me and how I feel most comfortable executing it. There has been some resistance from my established social circle, small as it may be.

There are those that think it is about time and wonder what took me so long. Those are also those who resist most when I apply boundaries toward them. They are quick to remind me of all things I have done in the past in regards to not respecting boundaries.

I am most amused most by those that think that it is just a phase and it too shall pass. It could very well be a phase but I am determined to make it a lifestyle.

“Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits”, as per the wikipedia definition.

Based on my personal beliefs and experiences my top three boundaries so far are as follows:

-Don’t ask me for help with anything you are not willing to help in the same way.

-I watch not so much what you say but what you do. If you tell me I am like a sister to you and I also see that you speak badly of your own real sister, that is all I need to know to how you will speak of me when I am not around. I will only share with you what I wouldn’t mind others knowing. Golden rule: those that gossip about others will gossip about you.

-My time is just as valuable as yours. Do not treat me like an after thought. Three strikes and  you are out.

This list is a work in progress but I think it worth exploring.

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