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startingoversarah

According to Sarah

A to Z meme

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom?

My female gamer friend. It said I’m here. I was picking her up to go out.

B) What does the last text you received say? And from whom?

From female gamer friend. It said come back please. She had left her keys in my car.

C) What time do you wake up most mornings?

6am and then snooze until 7:30ish.

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night?

Yes and no. It really depends on where I am night walking.

E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day?

A sweet glass of wine and a good book.

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?

8 years ago, if the question refers to romantically.

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?

No but when I did the nuns would call me Jennifer, my older sisters name.

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?

The company is a fun place to work.

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?

Most of the time.

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?

Yes but then on my 14th birthday my sister took me into the park as her friend was driving, closed the windows and lit a blunt. I got a contact high.

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?

Yes.

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?

Nope, unless you consider cigarettes a drug. It was the first and last one. I coughed up a storm and never tried again.

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.

BDSM

N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?

Not in a while.

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?

How the fuck did I end where I am financially.

P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?

Everytime I talk to my ex husband.

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?

Only to family, sometimes.

R) Are you a very affectionate person?

Privately yes

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?

No frame of reference.

T) What are you looking forward to?

Digging myself out of my financial hole.

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?

Nope and no.

V) Are you mentally strong?

Yes and no.

W) Are you physically strong?

No

X) Do you think you’re a good person?

I like to think so.

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.

Where I live and how much I make.

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?

Nothing but when I do eat breakfast it is a bagel.

Ask Questions, Yo

1. Are you a very open or private person?

Private person. I do share but with very few. Sometimes I over share but that is only if I am bursting at the seams about something.

2. Change one thing about the world what would it be?

The magnitude of loss in 2016 both personally and globally.  RIP Prince.

3. Live in any country/city, where would you choose?

Seattle, WA or Chicago, IL

4. What perfume do you wear?

I don’t.

5. How are you feeling right now?

Sleepy. It seems to be an ongoing pattern with me these days.

6. If money was no object, where would you move to?

Somewhere in Europe or Canada.

7. Who was the last person to make you cry?

Me, myself and I.  Sometimes I overthink myself to tears.

8. What age do people usually mistake you for?

Bless their hearts, 30.

9. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?

The theme song of Twilights last movie.

10. Do you play video games?

When I was a kid, Atari.

11. What do you think about before you go to bed?

I ask God to bless kiddo, my current job situation.

12. Have you ever online dated?

Online dating has been my only source of dating for a while. Not so much dating sites than groups that do something I like and as a result meeting someone.

13. Do you get cranky when you’re hungry?

Yes and from my experience so do most people.

14. What drink did you last consume?

Water

15. Have you ever tripped while walking up the stairs?

Yes. I have tripped up stairs., downstairs,  and heck walking in a straight line.

16. Is there something you’re happy about at the moment?

Going to see kiddo for mothers day.

17. Are you a shy person?

Yes and no. It really depends on who you ask. I self identify as selectively social.

18. Were you happy when you woke up today?

Relatively speaking.

19. Do you like rain?

Love rain, unless I have to drive in it.

20. Can you go a day without music?

Yes but it is safer for everyone if I get atleast minimal music contact.

April 2014

Around April 14,2014this is what I had to contend with weather wise. It was unseasonably cold. It didn’t seem right that I had to scrape ice off my windshield. I realize that in the northeast it stays colder longer but this was ridiculous. Last year it was also chilly but no ice, just threats that snow might visit but luckily it was too warm and the snow turned into rain as has been the case this year. There has been no ice  or snow in April 2016 just unseasonably chilly. It seems as if this week the weather is changing to more typical spring weather. Yay!

Here is hoping that  the warming trend continues.

 

20140416_082832

Second Quarter resolutions…

I have found that it is import for me to find happy spaces for myself whenever possible. Life is too short to be miserable and as I round my 40+1 birthday it seems ever so much shorter.

In the last two weeks I have suffered pains in the gut, literally. It seems that I have a now officially diagnosed case of diverticulitis. I had learned to deal with symptoms not really understanding what was actually going on. Since I have started treatment I feel so much better but think it will be an uphill battle to learn to eat better to avoid flare ups that could land me in urgent care again. It took four days before I finally drove myself to seek professional help.

Note to self: Expand the inner circle and include folks that can help you in a pinch. Do you know how hard it is to care for your self when you haven’t been able to eat for days? It is not easy indeed. The medication kept me in a fog that made driving an adventure and at one point downright dangerous for myself and those around me. It has been a blessing to live in the center of a town where everything is in walking distance. I was quite a sight walking all mismatched and dazed to the local supermarket down the main road.

This weekend when the fog has sort of lifted I found myself seeking human contact. It is the most social I have been in a while. I reached out to the universe and the universe responded in step with what I needed, a happy space in a sea of less than a stellar year.

So in the aftermath of being sick, losing loved ones, and a pretty spectacular downturn in my financial security I think it best to implement quarterly resolutions/goals. I think maybe three reasonably attainable ones will be a good start. In three months I can check in and see how well I have stuck to them.

My first three are as follows:

Add fiber to my diet to avoid infections in my gut. I have to start with being more conscious of what I eat.

Get to 25,000 words on my novel. I hope that participating more with my writers group will help and that the writing partner I have been paired with is a good fit.

Save the minimum of $10 every paycheck, even if it will make me go negative. If possible of course avoid over drafting.

 

 

 

25 Large Meme

25 Large Meme

Stolen from: i take surveys

Travel anywhere, where would it be?

Anywhere in Europe

Meet anyone, who would it be?

JK Rowling

Bring anyone dead back to life, who would it be?

Any of grandparents

Be anyone for a day, who would it be?

A more ambitious person

Get anything for free for the rest of your life what would it be?

$1,000 a week

Change one thing about your life what would it be?

My inability to hold onto money

Have any superpower what would it be?

Meh. I’m not sure if I want more responsibility.

Be any animal for a day which would you be?

A bird. I like the idea of flying at will.

Date anyone who would it be?

Someone sincere and with sarcastic haha sense of humor.

Change one thing about the world what would it be?

The need to constantly be entertained. There was life before social media. People don’t seem to understand the concept of down/quiet time.

Live in any fictional universe which would you choose?

The magical world of Harry Potter.

Eliminate one of your human needs which would you get rid of?

Sex

Change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be?

My muffin top. It needs to go.

Change one of your personality traits which would you choose?

Sudden mood changes

Be talented at anything instantly what would you choose?

Something musical

If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

The Dali Lama

Erase an event from history (make it so it never happened) which would you choose?

September 11th

Have any hair/eye/skin color, which would you choose?

I’m fine with what I have, however my sisters blue eyes I wouldn’t mind.

Be any weight/body type, which would you choose?

Curvy but healthy figure.

 Live in any country/city, where would you choose?  

If Trump gets elected, Canada.

Change one law in your country, which would you change?

Legalize prostitution and make it have health benefits as any other job.

Be any height, which would you choose?

I don’t always like being so tall but it has its advantages. As I get older I will strink anyhow.

Have any job in the world, which would you choose?

Globe-trotting journalist.

Have anything appear in your pocket right now, what would it be?

Money

 Have anyone beside you right now, who would it be?

Someone I was reminded about today as I traveled through Brooklyn and Queens.

On pier dream

Inspired by a writing prompt:

In a dream I am standing on a pier; I think I can see someone at the end…..
I wonder if it is a long lost relative or maybe one of the ones I have lost in the last fifteen years. It could be me from the future warning me of something I could change to help mold my future to something more positive. A girl can dream but it has proven too dangerous to dream too much or too big. The devastation of the potential disappointment could prove lethal. It has been one of those years that you wish you could redo but it is only April.
I think about it often; the idea that if I could go back in time where would I go and what would I change? If I went back to kindergarten I might modify my behavior to force myself to be more focused and social. It was easy to fall into the shadows of my older sister who was and is larger than life in her personality. Our issues really were started because our family took upon themselves to compare us instead of embrace us as we were, differences and all. Expectations of others can be painful to those who hold them and to those that do not meet them.
If I went back to high school I might change my focus level and my involvement in activities. At that point in my life I had so much angst about everything. I had internalized all my disappointments about my family and myself. My inability to see the bigger picture limited me then as it sometimes does even now.
If I went back to the time I met my ex-husband I would run like my life depended on it with the information I have now. I might lose the harsh lessons I learned by being with him but I might not have lost so much of who I was as a person. If we had met in another time of our lives maybe it could have worked out better. My only regret would be to lose the one good thing that came out of knowing him, my kiddo. So maybe I might not change meeting him but how I handled all the ugliness that plagued our relationship. I am still recovering from that relationship even fourteen years free. It casts a shadow on all my relationships. Some people can go through something as traumatic as being married to my ex and come out stronger, which I did but I did not get out unscathed. The PTSD struggle is real.

Ask Meme

Ask, Ask, Ask Meme

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from. We also provide a link to the victim’s meme in our “Previous Victims” widget. (It’s our way of saying “Thanks!”) Sometimes we edit the original meme, to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, to select the best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from this new meme or recently asked questions from a previously featured meme.
Cheers to all of us thieves!!! 

Ask Ask Ask Meme

Stolen from: i take surveys

1 -If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with?

I would wish to be with someone who understands and accepts me. I am not everyone’s  cup of tea. I have been described by others as an acquired taste getting bitter by the year.

2 – What do you feel right now?
Anger and frustration. The year I had given myself to figure out my next step is quickly approaching and I am no where near ready to make a decision. It would be easy to just reset and give myself more time but then I think the frustration would just multiply.

3 – What chocolate is your favorite?
Milk chocolate

4 – Why did you create a blog account?
I have had many blogs since I started 10 years ago. This particular blog was inspired by my return to school and wanting to connect again with writing.

5 – Who is your favorite blogger?
I have so many and for very different reasons. It would be hard to choose so I will say I gravitate to blogs that affect my perspective on a topic or share a little piece of their inner world.

6 – When was the last time you cried? Why?
I cried yesterday on my drive home from work. I was overwhelmed by the emotions that I suppressed throughout the week. It has been an emotional week.
7 – Who is your best friend?
I don’t really have one. I realize I am a bit high maintenance and expect too much from people. I am my own best friend and even some days I can’t stand myself. Ha!

8 – What kind of music do you listen to?
I love anything rock, anything 80’s and Cuban Son and Salsa.

9 – Do you have troubles sleeping at night? 
Yes and no. I have a hard time getting to sleep but then I also have a hard time waking up as well.
10 – What do you prefer, jeans or shorts?
Jeans. I feel self-conscious when I wear anything short. My legs have not seen sun in years.

11 – Did you try to change for a person?
For my kiddo. I try to be a better person to be an example and a refuge.

12 – Are you in a good or bad mood?
Somewhere in between
13 – Name someone you can’t live without.
My kid

14 – Do you have a grudge against anyone?
Yes and no.
15 – Are you a crybaby?
No

16 – When people praise you for your looks, what feature do they praise?
People tell me I have pretty and kind eyes

17 – What hair color do you prefer?
My original hair color, a dark brown.

18 – If you can change anything about yourself, what is it?
To be more ambitious

19 – Can you live without internet?
Yes.
20 – Have you ever experienced being hysterical?
Yes but my version of hysterical is a silent one. I am not one to have outburst because I tend to internalize all my angst and frustration. I get very, very, very quiet.

21 – Did you have an accident last year?
Yes. I got hit by a car sliding down an icy snowy road

22 – What are you thinking right now?
Money and my inability to have enough of it

23 – Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel?
Yes. When I get hurt I shut down and my verbal skills take a hit

24 – Do you have trust issues?
Yes. I trust more of what people do than what they say

25 – Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”?
Kiddo

26 – Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”?
Yes but a little nudge doesn’t hurt either

27 – Do you believe in destiny?
I believe we have the power to make our own destiny.

28 – How do you look right now?
Tired and inappropriately dressed. I realized this morning that I am a 40 something that still dresses as a teenager. I like comfort over fashion so my “uniform” is jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt.

29 – Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? 
Some days and mostly when I see my parents. No matter what I do or what I accomplish I have somehow failed to make something of myself in their eyes. It is not just a feeling. My parents have actually said those very exact words.
30 – Favorite city?
I don’t have a favorite city but more of a type of city. I want suburbia that is no more than an hour from a bustling and lively major city. Any suggestions are welcomed since I am contemplating moving again.

212 Meme…

212 Meme

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we try to credit the blog that we stole it from. We also provide a link to the victim’s meme in our “Previous Victims” widget. (It’s our way of saying “Thanks!”) Sometimes we edit the original meme, to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, to select the best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from this new meme or recently asked questions from a previously featured meme.
Cheers to all of us thieves!!! 

Survey 212 Meme

Stolen from: i take surveys

Is your birth year an odd or even number?:

odd….1975

Which one of your friends is the most outgoing?:

My high school friend is most outwardly outgoing but the most sad internally. My best male friend is most outwardly calm and reserved but makes the most friends. I think people are drawn to his “energy”.

Have you eaten any of your favorite foods today?: Yes, pizza

When did you last find yourself in an awkward situation?:

Many times but most recently when my ex called yelling at me for threatening to call the cops on him. I did not technically threaten to do so, I merely suggested to kiddo that if they felt unsafe to call the cops. In my mind it is not the same thing as I was being accused of.

When was the last time you ignored, or went against, someone’s advice?:

Not recently no. But I have in the past on many occasions that sometimes worked out to be the best decision and sometimes not necessarily so.

What happened?:

I moved back to NJ some eight years ago. Looking back I realize it was the best thing for my long-term personal growth. It was not necessarily the best decision for everyone affected by the move. 

How many different towns/cities have you lived in?:

Williamsbug, VA ; San Pedro, Dominican Republic; Newark, NJ ; Bronx, NY ; Manhattan, NY; Lawrenceville, NJ; Miami, FL and the town I live in now

When was the last time you had Nutella?:

Never, yuk!

Who is your favorite character in“The Big Bang Theory”?:

Sheldon

What are your parents’ middle names?:

Andre and Marisela

Name someone with a sexy sounding voice.: Barry White

Are your eyes the same color as your sibling’s?:

With one or two of them but one sister has blue/green eyes

How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?:

None and absolutely not unless I moved into a nicer apartment or a house. I really like Labs.

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?:

Cake By The Ocean by DNCE

Is there a song that you’re fed up of hearing?:

Sorry by Justin Bieber

Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night?:

No. A few nights ago on the eve of getting the thankfully good news that I do not have cancer, I dreamed that I was in my maternal grandmothers kitchen when I was a kid. She was telling me to go away and that I had no place there. I went in tears to my apartment downstairs where I lived my mom and assorted siblings crying that no one loved me.
It was not a memory. I was an adult in this dream. I mentioned it to my blue eyed sister and she interpreted it as my recently departed grandmother pushing me away as I had no place where she was, dead.

Name 3 things that are in your refrigerator atm.: 

Wine
Cranberry juice
Butter

Which friend do you confide in most?: 

I confide in no one. I share more these days through this blog than I do with anyone in my personal life.

Waiting

Waiting has never been something I am good at, however in worrying I could win metals.

In the last week I have been waiting to find out if I have cancer and it made think over things I had not worried about. If I am gone who will look out for my daughters well being? She is a bright, beautiful girl and she is also different. The world is not kind to different. I worry how she will navigate the world with me in or out of it.

Despite my bouts of sadness I struggle sometimes to crawl out of I have realized this week I choose life. Life is not perfect but each day alive is an opportunity to make it better.

 

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