According to Sarah

Random Recap…

After a long drive weekend I embarked on yet another one but with a better purpose. I was able to spend some quality time with the kiddo. A couple of things I have realized, she is no longer a kid and she is not quite yet an adult. To live and observe too much disables your ability to move forward. My kid for better or worse is an avid observer but not much of an executor. She has little faith in her capabilities to do stuff so she defers to others but then complains we control her life. Since she defers to us to make decisions we in essence do control most aspects of her life. Fear of failure seems to hold her back. My hope is one day she sees failure not as a bad thing but as an opportunity to learn things about herself or of things around. I will find it difficult myself to move forward until I feel she is ready and able to take care of herself. The worry sometimes overwhelms me and I am sure it does her too.

Another random thing I learned in the last couple of weeks is that I wait for no one. I refuse to not do something just because I can’t find others to do them with. I have wanted to get to Toronto for years. For various reasons, mostly financial I had not done so. Two weeks ago I bit the bullet and made the trek. In what would take most people eight hours it took me roughly twelve hours to drive from northern New Jersey to the Pearson airport area. A few things I had not taken into account before embarking on my journey was the cell service situation. Even though it is the same continent it is still in fact a different country and so it is silly to assume your service will work there too. About fifteen minutes from my hotel I lost GPS signal and all ability to make calls. I should be happy I made it as far as I did. Thankfully I had checked ahead of directions and made good mental notes to get me to the general area of my hotel and my general good sense of direction. The other thing I had not anticipated was my need for frequent bathroom breaks. Age does really affect your tolerance to sit in one position for long periods of time. I also wished I had paid closer attention in science and math class as a kid to better understand Fahrenheit/Celsius conversion or the kilometers to miles thing. It would  have made trip less confusing.

Project reconnect with my facebook fan base is a work in progress. So far I have met up with an old co-worker, and two old blogger friends. I want to only have people on my facebook that I actually know and have met at some point. I do post a lot of person on there mostly for the family so if you are able to see my pictures and stuff I want to have had met you at least once in my life. There is still one person I have yet to meet in person but attempts have been less than great. Like I said, a work in progress.

The old co-worker was a lady from my first job in NJ and the last time before last we saw each other was randomly as we waited for the bus to get home. I installed messenger and we made plans. It took three months but finally our schedules worked out and we met at a local panera bread. It was a relatively pleasant thirty minutes of my life, maybe forty-five. We caught up, took some selfies and were on our way. We had some distance plan to do it again but who knows.

The first blogger friend was my Canada contact. We met almost a decade ago in another incarnation of my life blog where I kept things pretty personal. Once that blog went down we migrated to facebook friend status. After many failed attempts, mostly due to my financial situation we made it so. She met me at my hotel after I lost all GPS capabilities and could only connect via the free wifi from the hotel. We had a nice dinner, took a selfie and I spent the rest of my time roaming Toronto alone. I am pretty resourceful and got around pretty easily.

Today I met up with the second blogger friend that has migrated to facebook status. We had met in person about eight years ago when I moved back to NJ. We had made plans since Wednesday that kept falling through but today we met at a local starbucks and talked for a little bit. It was nice but something was off and not necessarily in a bad way just off. I am glad there were not many awkward silences just at some point talking in circles. A nice person though.
I do love traveling and I think I will do more of it going forward. I just hope my car can take the abuse and survive the winters.

Random Act of Kindness…

Just when I had lost all hope for the new generation an example comes by and shows me not all hope is lost.

This Saturday I went to a local wine festival when the temperature outside was set at hell. I should have known better than to be out and about. I should have stayed home and drank more water.

When I got there the parking was full and I was detoured around the corner and up a hill. The walk down was not so bad but on the way back I ended getting light headed and nauseous. I stopped often and tried to gather the energy to keep up the hill. At some point I said fuck it and pushed myself to move forward and it worked until I got mid way through the last part and I had to hold onto the fence to keep from falling down. As I was falling down I heard basketball being played nearby and I steadied myself up and managed a wave. The teenager playing saw me and waved back. I waved again signaling for him to come to me and he ran over and asked what I needed. I muttered I could use some water and off he went. I slowly walked over to some nearby steps and sat with  my head down. The teenager came back with four bottles of water, and a cold wet rag to put around my neck. He seemed genuinely concerned and after a few minutes of awkward silence he suggested I go inside his house because of the central air. I hesitated and asked where are his parents and replied not home. When I stood up I got dizzy and followed him toward the house. I mentioned off hand he should not make it a habit of taking in strangers. He said I seemed safe. He guided to his sitting area(foray?) and got me more water. His little dog came up to me and tried playing with me. Once I could muster the energy I petted him and such. After about another fifteen minutes I said I should go and thanked him for his kindness. As I made it to the door he ran behind me and offered to walk me to my car but I said I was fine and thanked him again for his niceness. A few feet away I got lightheaded again and I asked some nearby random adults to give me a lift to my car and they reluctantly agreed. Once I got to my car I drank the remaining bottles of water as the air conditioner chilled the car. I drove home and did not leave the house until the following morning.

Kindness is free. I wish more people believed in it. It can be dangerous and sometimes inconvenient but it could save a life one day.

The Gal Meme

We Found this gem when last week we asked for memes to steal. The Gal Herself, (my friend and the author of Saturday 9) gave us this one that she stole from Kwizgiver (my friend and the author of this meme except this summer). It’s long so we broke it up. As it says above, we edit and change questions. Mostly I hate yes or no questions. So I change them or delete them. Sometimes I rewrite almost every question. That also allows the person I stole it from to play. That’s not a goal but it is reality. If you think hosting a meme is easy, try it once. Okay, now time for me to shout:

Cheer to all of us thieves!!

Sunday Stealing: The Gal’s Meme, Part One

What’s your favorite word or phrase?  

“This too shall pass”
Tell us about a person who made you smile today.

It is too early. I haven’t made human contact yet. The bagel guy made me smile this morning.
What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

I am watching a movie.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

What is your favorite holiday? Why?

I hate holidays in general.

Tell us about a visit to another country.

I went to Spain and England. I loved Spain the most. From the hotel I stayed in I walked to a park a lot like central park and it was beautiful. I also loved London. I loved  the beauty and the history.

What is the last thing you said aloud?

What the fuck!

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Snapple Raspberry  Tea.

What are you wearing right now?

Blue jeans and brown shirt.

What was the last thing you ate?

An everything bagel with cream cheese.

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?

When was the last time you ran?

On purpose? Years.
What’s the last sporting event you watched?

A Mets game at Citifield last year.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Someone where it is mountains and serene.
Who is the last person you sent a comment/message to on Facebook?

A friend from Canada.

Ever go camping? If yes, tell us about one time.

I did as a girl scout. It was the first and the last time. I like the wilderness but my ideal idea of camping is a luxury cabin in the woods.

Do you think a tan improves your looks?

Meh. I don’t really tan I burn and peel.

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?

Nothing I have wanted to keep.

What is your guilty pleasure?

Peace and quiet.


The Gongerling Meme

1. You’re building your dream house. What’s the one thing that this house absolutely, positively MUST HAVE? (other than the obvious basics of course) 

A library/office.

2. What is your dream car? 

Anything Toyota

3. What is your favorite website that isn’t a blog.

4. iPhone or Droid, which do you want/have? 


5. When you’re feeling down or lonely or just generally out of sorts, what do you do to cheer yourself up?

Long drives

6. Tell me about something or someone that you love that most people seem to hate. 

Being genuine.

7. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Financially stable and a writer

8. Would you go on a reality show if given the chance?

Absolutely not. I hate reality tv.

9. Who was your favorite teacher when you were growing up? (Grade school, Middle School, Jr. High or High School only.) 

My English teacher

10. You get one pass to do something illegal or immoral. What are you gonna do? 


11. What were you doing 10 years ago? 

Living in Florida.

12. By this time next year, I … 

I want to be making more money

13. What is something that you need to do but you’ve procrastinated on?


14. Which fictional, TV show character you would shag anytime? 

Tony DiNozzo

15. What is your greatest pet peeve? 

Hearing people chew.

16. Tell me about your most recent trip of more than 100 miles? 

I drove to Maryland.

17. Which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? 


18. Do you have a nickname? What is it? 

Gordita de oro

19. What are you dreading at the moment? 


20. Do you have a meme you think we should steal?  (Yes, an old trick. But c’mon now. I gotta give it a shot. It’s a lot harder to find memes now. But it’s ok to answer “You’re lazy” an all it a day.)

Not really

Beach Boy Meme…

Sunday Stealing: The Beach Boys’ Meme

1. SURFER GIRL : “I have watched you on the shore, standing by the ocean drawer, do you love me do you surfer girl” Were you ever interested in someone (other than a celebrity) who did not return your interest? 

The story of my love life.

2. BE TRUE TO YOUR SCHOOL : “So be true to your school now, just like you would for your girl or guy…” Looking back, how do you feel about your high school days? 

I think back and wonder how I survived. I went to school in a pretty bad neighborhood. I do miss though the simple nature of those days.

3. FUN FUN FUN : “…and she’ll have fun fun fun till her daddy takes the T-Bird away…” What was the worst punishment you received as a teenager? 

A beat down from my dad. I hit back in the sense of self defense and kicked him away hard enough to give me time to run down the street to  my best friend at the time.

4. I GET AROUND : “Round round get around, I get around” Where did you go on your last long trip? 

Florida back in January.

 5. HELP ME RHONDA : “You gotta help me Rhonda, help me get her off of my mind” What do you do to cheer up after a personal tragedy such as a lost job, power outage or broken relationship? 

A long drive with the windows down and the music blasting.

 6. CALIFORNIA GIRLS : “I wish they all could be California girls. The west coast has the sunshine and the girls there get so tan, I dig a French bikini on Hawaiian island dolls, by a palm tree in the sand” Where are the best boys found? 

Not sure since I haven’t really been looking.

7. SLOOP JOHN B : “I wanna go home, please let me go home, ya ya. Well this is the worst trip, I’ve ever been on…” What is the worst trip you’ve ever been on? 

I wouldn’t say worst but the most complicated was last August trying to make it out to Dallas. I think it took longer to get there than the time I actually spent there.

8. WOULDN’T IT BE NICE : “I guess the more we talk about it, it makes it harder just to live without it, but let’s talk about it…” What is your biggest wish? 

This changes daily but the top three is health, happiness and an influx of money.

9. IN MY ROOM : “There’s a place where I can go and tell my secrets to. In my room. In my room.” What is your favorite thing about your own personal room or space in your home/office? 

That there is no television.

10. GOD ONLY KNOWS : “You never need to doubt it, I’ll make you so sure about it. God only knows what I feel about you” When was the last time you told a significant other or close relative that you loved them? 

Yesterday. The last time I talked to kiddo.

11. GOOD VIBRATIONS : “My baby has good vibrations, she’s giving me excitations…” When do you get good vibrations? 

When I am reading, writing, driving and socializing.

12. KOKOMO : “We’ll go to Kokomo. We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow. That’s where I wanna go…” What is your favorite warm weather destination? 

Anywhere woodsy.

13. DO IT AGAIN : “Let’s get back together and do it again…” If you could go back in time and gather up your school friends, what would you do again? 

Well in 2009 we all got together and went to steakhouse. It was a surreal experience.


It is not so much that we are close or the fact that I had requested time off to help her drive from NJ to FL not alone. I wanted to do this road trip because lately I have felt disconnected from myself, my family and life in general. I wanted to feel connected to another person and also escape the reality that is my life these days. It was not meant to be apparently. My older sister botched that plan when she invited her daughter to accompany her on the journey. I realized with the description of her altered plans that having to come to my area would detract her from her new timeline. She wanted to see old friends and stay at her besties house, citing more space. I realized she had no intention of seeing me or where I live or wanting to know anything about my life so I made it easy and bowed out citing no need for a third driver and highlighting the distance of where I live relative to her friends place. It is for the best I guess.

As a result of the change I took a day off of my planned days off and have started looking for alternate plans for a trip. The need for a reprieve is still there and I am inclined to give into it. I have added to my potential trips three places where two are in driving distance, Boston or Toronto. The other is Chicago but I have already been there in the last year so I am not as actively pursuing that option. There is always Texas where one of my good friends live but then I wondered if maybe considering everything they are juggling it might not be the best time from them to host a guest.

My sister’s change of plans hurt mostly because I was so easily discarded. Instead of me helping her I felt like a burden she had to include because she had said she would, like when were kids. If she had not needed me initially I might not even know she was visiting. I would have been an after though at best.

The root of my disappointment is that I expected to be valued more than I am by her. Historically speaking I should have known better.


Mama's Losin' It

Choose a prompt, post it on your blog, and come back to add your name to the link list below. Be sure to sign up with the actual post URL and not just your basic blog URL (click on the title of your post for that URL). For good comment karma try to comment on the three blogs above your name!!

The Prompts:

1. Write a blog post inspired by the word: sparks
2. Tell about the worst sunburn you ever received. How did that happen?
3. Share something you learned in June.
4. We just celebrated America’s Independence. List 8 things you appreciate most about your freedom.
5. It’s hot, the kids are home and crazy, our pets are panting, the days are long…share your Summer Survival Tips.

I grew up in northern NJ and so the beaches in the summer were a big deal. It was and is the time of the year where less is more usually. This is the not case when it comes to suntan lotion. I am a fairly fair complexion person and so the sun and I have a love hate relationship. I envied that my mom and older sister tan so well. Where I am wearing sunblock to the 100th power, they were putting on oil to tan darker and with relatively good results. If I missed a spot there was pain, peel and no tan as my reward.

During one of these jersey shore adventures I opted to use as little as possible of sunblock. I was determined to tan however I did not count on falling asleep. About an hour into sunbathing my sister throws cold water on me and I wake up abruptly not realizing I had burned and as I struggled to get out of the path of the water my arm scratches the sand and I cry  out in pain. As my sister laughs at me she comments that looks like it is going to hurt later. She was unfortunately right. My nose got the worst of it and I ended up in emergency room. I had managed a second degree burn on my nose. No relief for days and no way to sleep comfortably. If I slept on my back, it burned. If I slept on my stomach it burned my face.

These days I am not much of a beach goer and if I do I lather that sunblock everywhere and in thick quantities.

Controversial Meme…

1. Would you try a recreation drug if all were legalized?


2. Are you happy that the U.S. Supreme Court once again upheld a woman’s right to abortion?

Yes. It is woman’s body and her choice. I find it odd that people fight so hard for a baby’s right to be born and will kill for it. Those same people tend to be the ones that fight just as hard to demonize the woman when she struggles to survive and asks for help.

3. Would our country cope any differently with a woman president?

I hope so.

4. Do you believe in the death penalty?

No. I think having to live with what you have done is worse than death. The key for that work is that the person responsible for the crime has to be remorseful.

5. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?


6. Do you believe in God?

Most days

7. How do you feel now that same-sex marriage is legalized?

Wonderful. I think all people should have the right to miserable. I only say this as I was once married and every married person I know is not happy.

8. Do you think it’s wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?

Umm, no. Viva mi gente!

9. A 12-year-old girl has a baby… should she keep it?

Yes but she probably doesn’t want to. Most people at 12 don’t understand what having a baby entails and probably didn’t go about trying to becoming pregnant. She might need help to make sense of it all and given viable options.

10. Should the alcohol age be lowered to 18?

I think so. If you can go to war and fight for your country you should be able to drink.

11. Should the wars in the Middle East be called off?

Yes but it is too  late for that.

12. Do you believe in spanking your children?

I think it would do this society some good to be able to. Children these days don’t understand consequences. I am not saying we should beat our children regularly we just should be able to discipline them.

13. A mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case… what do you think?

Makes me rethink my thoughts on the death penalty.

14. Would you want to prosecute someone for burning their country’s flag as a method of protest?


15. It’s between you and a person who is being kept alive (with NO hope) by life support machines… one has to die? Who?

Whoever times it is to go.

16. Are you afraid others will judge you from reading some of your answers?

Maybe but who knows.

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